What does the word “family” mean to you? To some, it refers to those humans that you share DNA with. To others, those people are relatives & family pulls in a wider scope of people. They include those who you have built a strong bond with, along with those who you share genes with. I fit into the later category.

When I was 2 yrs old, my dad packed my mom and I up and moved us from Phoenix Arizona to Waltman, Wyoming. The population including the people across the highway at the time was maybe 20, and I feel I’m probably over estimating. I was introduced to my real Aunts still living at home as they were still in High School, an Uncle, and my Paternal Grandma & Grandpa. See, all I knew had been in Arizona with my moms parents and family, and it was also all my mom knew too. She described it as culture shock from the first day. She had always had her family and now, she had dads. She quickly fell in love with everyone tho and they accepted us and our hippy lifestyle right out of the gate. It was a big change but my dads family made us feel so welcome that we acclimated pretty quick.

When I was around 3 my parents found a home to rent in the town down the highway named Powder River, population 50 according to that sign. The home was an old train depot and I just remember it being REALLY big compared to the small cabin room we had at my grandparents. One morning a bunch of women showed up and asked my mom if she drank coffee. She of course did and invited them in! It was on that day I met my first adopted Aunts and later their husbands who became my Uncles. Their kids felt somewhere between cousins or siblings depending on how well we were getting along. Haha Either way, we were family! I called their Grandparents “Grandma” and “Grandpa” and when mine came to visit from Arizona, they learned they too had a bunch of adopted family and MANY grandkids! It’s how this small town did things and honestly, I can’t imagine not having family feelings for all of them. Even the ones that have stepped away from me still hold places in my heart that are very dear to me. After all, families are like that sometimes.

My upbringing shaped me into how I view family. I didn’t choose my relatives, but I do choose who I call family. I have one childhood friend from those days that will be my sister until I die! My son views her as his Aunt and her kids as his cousins. (We actually picked scabs as kids and rubbed our blood together so we could be blood sisters. Thats a legit pact!!) I would fight a bear for her and she would do the same. My mouth gets carried away if I feel she has been wronged, which has caused her to have to smooth things over with others, but she holds no bad blood against me. I am her sister, thats what sisters do! Her mom is my mom and they were the only ones from my childhood who came to watch me marry my Prince Charming. They ARE family!

I have another sister who was with my first ex husbands brother when we were married. We became close fast and then a year into that marriage, I left. We never lost that bond and when meeting back up again a few years later, she too became my sons Aunt and her kids became cousins! (Like, they are adults now and will fight you if you disagree with them! Lol) Hearing her adult daughter yell “Aunt Kristies here!” when I walk into their work makes me smile on even my worst days. They are family.

My other sister was married to my brother. This is understandably more common as she was family by marriage. I did not always like her tho. She was quiet, I can’t trust quiet! Was a girl even good enough for my baby brother? Uh ya, ya she was! After forcing myself on her and her getting comfortable I have learned she is NOT quiet and VERY opinionated. My kinda girl! They divorced years ago and have a great relationship, so keeping her as my Sissy was easy for all of us. She has helped in in some very scary life circumstances that ONLY family would be privy to. She also let me watch my niece be born a few short months after I was with my mom when she passed away. That is a gift you can only get from family.

I have a sister in Florida, a couple in Colorado, & a cousin I feel is more my sister in Arizona. I have a shit ton of adopted sons and daughters that were either friends with my son or I worked with them and they adopted me as their work mom. These people mean the world to me and I love them dearly. To call them “friends” seems like it is downplaying their importance in my life. (I guess we can thank Facebook for that. If you say your actually “friends” with everyone you have on social media, I’m gonna call bullshit!)

I consider my best friends my family, I have ex co-workers who I consider family, and have people I rarely see or talk to that are in fact, still family to me. So what is “Family” to me? Well, its a feeling I get when I am with them. I know they accept me for who I am 100% even if they don’t understand me. They also could do something off the wall and I would be their biggest cheerleader! They are people I can call, day or night for help, and they are on their way. They know they can do the same with me. They are relationships that just ARE. They don’t need daily, weekly, or monthly visits because they are deeper than that. I NEED deeper than that… I was RAISED with deeper than that.

If we are being honest, and I always am, I am not that friend who will call and make social plans with you. (Although I will accept your invitation right away!) I rarely reach out to initiate a meet-up & just generally lack the skills to be the “girl friend” type I see others as. I attribute this to 20 yrs in a marriage where it just wasn’t Ok to have those kind of friendships. That relationship began when I was 19, the age most girls are learning how to have adult friendships while doing adult activities. I try but seem to fall short more times than not. I need friends who understand this about me. Those friends hit “family” status because I appreciate them being the ones to make plans & not get mad at me for not. I actually LOVE them for that! Hence, they are family.

Looking back at my childhood and what shaped my feelings surrounding “Family”, I feel I was being prepared for the types of connections I would need as I traveled the journey I was on. Without friends who are family, I would have had next to nobody to be there during the tough times I could not actually hang out with friends. There would have been nobody to support me in phone calls as I took steps to break free. I’ve watched “friends” drop “friends” quick as shit over the years for their inability to put in time equal to what another was putting in. I’ve watched fights happen over someone unable to just leave because they have kids and their husband was unwilling to stay home with them. I’ve watched friendships dissolve over one woman being head over heels in love and not wanting to be anywhere but next to her prince charming. That caused her friend to be jealous because she didn’t feel the same about her significant other & just wanted to hang out and be away from him all the time. I have not been able to be a “good friend” but I have for sure witnessed what a “bad friend” is, and I am not that!!

Bottom line is, we all have words or titles we attach to others based on our interactions and feeling about them. For me, my friends are my family. Once you’re in the fold, you’re always here. Time apart means nothing and your ability to keep in touch has zero to do with my devotion to you. I have no conditions other than to be a kind human being, don’t start drama, understand my husband and kids come first, & know you will never get stuck in some odd Kristie conundrum because I lack planning such things! (Although I have come up with great ideas while on the actual outings! It’s the onset that stumps me…) It may all be very unorthodox to some and that is ok. We have all went through different life experiences that have led us to why we are the way we are, and this is ME!

I am curious as to how you define certain relationships in your life? Is family ONLY blood? Is it weird for you to have a close connection to someone who isn’t related? Is there an amount of time that has to pass in order for you to accept someone into an elite friendship classification? Looking back at your childhood friendships and how you managed them, have you carried on those same patterns as an adult? Are those patterns healthy or something you would like to change and work on? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!