Leave that “selfish” term you’ve been conditioned with at the door

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You may have heard the saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup” or “If you’re not good, you can’t help others.” Some version of these phrases are all over social media and you may have even shared them yourself. “Self Care” brings many visions of spa days, retreats, long baths filled with silence and any other pampering type rituals. All those practices are divine and I highly suggest treating yourself with them, but what are you doing for yourself DAILY? It is the DAILY or WEEKLY maintenance that keeps your cup full and when we slack on that regular self care, we struggle keeping our heads above water. So, let’s dive in and see what all that can look like, shall we?

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I’ll begin with a confession! I’ve been in the middle of a war zone of a tummy bug! Our 4 kids have been sharing a horrible throwing up stomach flu for the entire month of March. We finally deduced they had been drinking out of each others glasses and scraping food onto each others plates if one was full. It took a month of one after the other puking, me trying to find remedies I hadn’t tried before, swabs upon swabs up the nose with negative results, Drs appointments trying to be made with no appointments available, and then FINALLY a confession from the youngest when I picked her up from school for round THREE. The other 3 kids went down shortly after so we spent the week cleaning and lecturing. MY SELF CARE BECAME NON EXISTENT!

Why is self love and care important? Well, as I began writing this post my husband had taken me off “kid duty” for the night because momma lost her shit, and although warranted, I needed a break that I wouldn’t admit that I needed. When we slack on checking in with ourselves and taking care of our basic needs, we can find ourselves in all kinds of a state of disaster. This can cause multiple issues such as illness, angry outbursts, depression, anxiety, low self esteem, disconnected feelings, overwhelm, lack of motivation and so so much more. (For the record, I have many of these currently and I am totally calling myself out!)

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In previous March posts I gave you tools and tricks to help you along your path of self discovery. (If you haven’t read them I highly suggest back tracking to them. You can can find them here: Journaling– https://mystikalmusings.com/2022/02/28/journaling/ Meditation– https://mystikalmusings.com/2022/03/06/can-you-meditate/ Mindset– https://mystikalmusings.com/2022/03/13/shifting-outlook/

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So if you have read those previous posts or any posts on my blog, you know I am huge at being transparent and very authentic. I chose this subject for a few reasons. 1) Self Care is misunderstood, yet imperative in your journey. 2) It is a huge buzz phrase that is talked about A LOT & I wanted to give my take on the subject. 3) Your girl here is calling herself out on dropping the ball and I am writing for ALL OF US! Lol

A self care routine usually starts with the basics. This helps us get use to taking care of ourselves WITHOUT the feeling of “selfish” being attached. Logic tells you washing your face every night isn’t selfish, it’s basic hygiene, right? Let’s start there then. You can take it further with a mask and moisturizer, all huge benefits for your skin. Brush your teeth, maybe add in another oral hygiene component, and there is your very first self care ritual! Set a plan for your self that you take 15-20 mins of alone time in the bathroom before bed to connect with yourself in this most basic way! Believe me, you will slowly add in more things that aren’t considered necessary per-say but make you happy, which is 50% of the reason self care is important. It improves emotional state!

After setting a routine for yourself in the evening, and understanding that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, you will become more comfortable treating yourself to some self love and pampering. Classic self care can include a nice bath, a decent bedtime, a cup of tea to unwind, carving time for a good book, treating yourself your favorite snack, spending time with those who fill your soul, a nice walk in nature, a drive alone, a dance party in your kitchen, a webinar on a subject you love, or even making some annual Dr appointments you’ve put off. Self care breaks down to being things that are good for you, but you never actually commit time to make happen.

Self care can also mean boundaries. Boundaries with others who disturb your peace, boundaries with yourself to hold yourself accountable, and even boundaries with your family. Telling others where you draw the line lets them know what they can and can’t have as far as your energy. Making a promise to yourself to have a bedtime and wake up time ensures your body is in a routine that helps overall health. Boundaries with your family lets them know that you love them SO MUCH that you want to give the best version of yourself to them. How can that be selfish??

Now, as I stated above, my self care for the last month has been zip, zero, nonexistent. Showers happened out of basic necessity, bedtime happened when I crashed, waking up happened when another kid got sick or I dragged my butt up to take kids to school who weren’t sick. Blogging is part of my self care yet when I sat to type, something always happened to block me. IT DID NOT NEED TO BE THAT WAY!! I have had the boundary talk with my family and they all 100% get it and understand. There were opportunities for me to do all of the above if I had just taken them. My husband is GREAT at tapping me out and taking over and vise versa. It’s a perfect system, until I think I have to be ALL THE THINGS.

By the time the dust settled I found myself in the same clothes for 3 days, not remembering when I washed my face last let alone showered, and teary at something simple like my husband bringing home my favorite potatoes from the grocery store. I feel it is important to note, those of us who guide ARE NOT PERFECT. Those of us who teach are ALWAYS learning also. Those of us who are mom’s and wives need to stop trying to be everything to everyone around us. When I find myself in this predicament, I show myself grace. I see the signs of burnout pretty quickly due to the intimate relationship I have grown with myself. Years of journaling, meditation, self discovery, mindfulness and yoga have given me stellar awareness when it comes to my mental, emotional and physical state. It’s my CHOICE if I listen to the signs I am so clearly being given, as it is also yours.

So, standing in my authenticity I am going to lay out my daily self care routine along with all the extra sprinkles that are added in throughout the week and month. This is in no way a road map for YOU but please feel free to borrow from my routine and make it your own that satisfies YOUR needs! I am including times only for the purpose of holding myself accountable so obviously, you would adjust to your personal schedule and do what works best for you! (Times listed will be what I have chosen for my self care. It wouldn’t be smart to list my ENTIRE daily schedule…Lol) Lets get this plan started shall we?!

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• 4:30 am WAKE UP WOMAN!! (It’s important to wake & turn in on a schedule. Your body craves routine)
• 4:35-5:30 am Meditate, Pranayama Breathing, Card Pull, Journal
• 5:45 am Yoga! (Length is determined by the flow for the day)
• 7:00 am Vitamins & Breakfast
• 8:05 am GET YOUR ASS DRESSED IN REAL CLOTHES!! (I typically live in yoga pants and that acceptable. Recently its been jogging/pajama pants and hoodies…)
• 8:30 am Face & Hair…show up for the day (wash face, moisturize, makeup, comb/brush, whatever as long as it’s SOMETHING!)
• 10:00 am 10 mins of sunshine, stop in for a visit with a Mermaid (connect with a friend)
• 12:00 pm STOP AND EAT LUNCH!
• 2:00-2:30 pm Audio Book for BMS Studio Bookclub while blogging (YES! BLOGGING IS A BIG PART OF MY SELF CARE!)
• 6:00 PM Eat a real dinner…no just snacking!!
• 8:00 pm Night beauty routine…Scrubs, masks, moisturizers, oils, all the pretty lady things!
• 9:00 pm BEDTIME BOUNDARY!! (This is a boundary or promise I make to myself first, then all others respect it.)
• End the day falling to sleep to binary beats accompanied by sounds of nature

Extra Self Care Sprinkles throughout the week– Walks in nature when weather allows, walking the stairs for movement when weather is bad, support a local business & buy a sweet treat, get a damn massage!, long hot shower (I have no tub, yet!) for relaxing purposes, listen to an inspirational podcast, take a road trip, have a cup of herbal tea, dance in the kitchen to loud music, create something without comparing yourself to others talent, and have a date night!

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As you can see, everything in my thought out schedule is totally doable. Money is only spent if I add some extra sprinkles throughout the week and I definitely do!! I AM WORTH IT! A piece of chocolate from our local candy shop is cheap, a massage a month is affordable, and hubby and I are inventive with cost on date nights. The price of not filling my cup with things that feed my soul is much higher than a dollar amount could ever be.

Whether you have never had a self care routine or have slipped off like me, I hope you truly see now the importance of taking care of YOU. In a world where we feel we need to be on the go all the time, we have created the burn out we are all feeling. We got ourselves into the state we are in, it is our job to slow ourselves down. I hope you pick a few things either from my schedule or suggestions above and join me on the path of self love and pampering. In turn you will be modeling for those around you what it looks like to take care of themselves as well. Imagine that the simple act of starting or restarting a Self Care routine may create waves of others doing the same. So, my question now is, who’s ready to create those waves with me??

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