Real world talk, you don’t always get your way. Whether someone has hyped you up for a certain outcome or you want something SO SO bad that you can’t imagine it not happening, disappointment when expectations aren’t fulfilled SUCKS! Liken it to a heartbreak in the manner that it IS inevitable, it WILL happen, it’s going to SUCK, and you WILL survive it. There may be tears, anger, blame, and all the hard feelings but eventually you will move past it and move into the REASON why things didn’t work out like you anticipated or were promised…What if your story was meant for something far bigger than what you were reaching for? As they say, when one door closes, another opens. (Pro Tip: If you don’t see another door, jar open a window and and plot an unexpected journey!)

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It has been a roller coaster for a few months in my world. Many unknowns and big plot twists that, as I’ve covered in recent blogs, have left us emotionally exhausted. One of the themes I have noticed is disappointment and how it is managed. Not only by us but by those around us also. Now I can’t control the reactions of those around me or their feelings but, I am interested in the human experience and I have noted a few things.

How we deal with being let down is a testament to our growth, maturity level, and life experiences. It also shows us where we sit with our need to control our experiences and people around us. The more disappointed and angry we are shows how badly we wanted to control the outcome. “Control” is just an illusion and those who are FULLY aware of that, rarely get irate, and those who are control freaks will explode each and every time. (Think toddlers and tantrums, or that what it looks like to me!) Is it ok to be pissed when stuff doesn’t work out? Well of course it is! It sucks big time to have your hopes up for something and then have them crushed. What is not ok is lashing out, making others miserable, trying to fight realities of situations you don’t like, pouting & complaining for days and weeks, or manipulating other people or entities in a guilt tripping way in order for you to get the end result you had hoped for.

When we find ourselves in seasons that seem to shoot one disappointment after another towards us, it is totally normal to be asking “When will this end and where is the light at the end of the tunnel?” It isn’t weak to feel defeated and you’re not defeated just because you’re feeling weak. We all have a breaking point and it is in those moments we find the biggest opportunities to grow and evolve. Looking at the big picture will usually give a common theme in the the pattern of less than desirable outcomes. Do you have a tendency to set high expectations for a desired outcome that is unrealistic? Do you have a hard time being told “No”? Are you fighting an inevitable outcome that doesn’t align with your desired dreams? Are you being told to wait because timing isn’t right, but you’re impatient? Have you always been given your way & not sure how to handle disappointment? Look at the BIG theme of the entire season of disappointments and see if you can find the lesson that is trying to come through for you. (Pro Tip: Once you discover it and begin working on that specific lesson, life get easier pretty quickly.)

There are also those people who seem to roll with disappointment like it is a day in the park. This can be for multiple reasons and not all of them are good. If you’re a person, doesn’t matter your age, that has had curve balls thrown at them left and right, disappointment may not affect you outwardly as it does others. You may have a jaded view of the world and actually expect things to go “wrong”, and they usually do. When this happens you have put up that protective “Shit always messes up.” defense and nobody notices your feelings because it doesn’t effect them personally. This is an unhealthy response because you have just given up making ANYTHING happen because in your mind, you won’t succeed anyway. People like this usually are the ones who have amazing potential, yet they won’t ever reach for it, unless they too look at that big picture behind all the rejections.

Then you have the people like me. Well, mostly like me anyway. We strive to go with the flow. We have an outlook that demands we look past the disappointment and into what the universe wants us to do instead. Each and every “Missed opportunity” or “Failed plan” I have had in my life has set me up to do something WAY bigger, WAY more amazing, and WAY more conducive to my growth than the door that closed previously. EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME!! So, for the most part, I begin looking for signs on what that could be. I don’t get stuck in the bullshit and sometimes come off as unaffected to others who are definitely affected. (Yes, I KNOW I live with my head in the clouds a lot but that doesn’t mean I don’t see realities and struggles in a situation. It means I CHOOSE to find the light while navigating the feelings found in the darkness. I try for the balance!). “Mostly” this works for me but even I get stuck in the thick of self pity at times. We all do, it’s ok, just pull yourself up as soon as you notice. That is the amazing thing that I have taken from my Mindfulness practice is that the accomplishment is in the noticing when your have slipped as much as the act of not slipping to begin with. It is about doing better when you know better, and forgiving yourself when you revert back to unhealthy patterns. Real talk, I have done this A LOT recently and not even beating myself up over it!! THAT is how you don’t contribute to your own suffering. (If you want to start a mindfulness meditation practice of your own, visit my blog on meditation here https://mystikalmusings.com/2022/03/06/can-you-meditate/)

As a human collective there is no arguing that we will have moments of disappointment in our lives. Our outlook and personal experiences when thing go south says a lot about our growth and who we are as people. Others are watching how we react when things are not going our way, and gauge their future interactions with us based on what they see, hear, and feel from us. I have watched people not be promoted due to how they handled something not going the way they planned. I have seen relationships not last as long as I thought they would due to one bad reaction over a disappointment. People want to know that you won’t just crumble at the first hint of adversity. They want to be partnered with a human who will go with the flow and improvise through struggle. They appreciate those who are visibly frustrated but don’t loose their cool over the first sign of plans not working out. Disappointment IS A PART OF LIFE and the faster we accept that and devise a plan on how we will respond to it, the better. The more work you have done on yourself the better and the more we look for the light in the darkness, the better chance we will find it. Some of my most amazing moments in leveling up have been foreshadowed by some serious plot twist that I thought had screwed up everything, until I thought deeper.

So to wrap this up, there is no way to avoid disappointment any more than we can avoid a broken heart. It is part of the human experience and in the category of events that shape us, grow us, and evolve us into higher thinking individuals. Our responses to disappointment tell others the type of leader, spouse, friend, or co-worker we might be. In the moments that nothing seems to be going as planned we are presented with opportunities to grow if we look past the present darkness and search for what the Universe is shedding a light on. Most importantly, know that these feelings of defeat are only temporary and are bringing to to something much bigger and brighter than what you had planned to begin with…The faster you look for the opened door when one closes, the less suffering you will experience!

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