I was the type… You know the ones. They see a person struggling and they swoop in with advice, answers, and fixes to the issue at hand. I thought I was being helpful and felt pretty great whenever I “helped” someone out of a predicament. What felt even more satisfying was when they would end up in another chaotic moment, they called me to help! Then there would be another, and another, and another. I began to feel some kinda way about these people because why would you put yourself right back in situations that I have bailed you out of? Then it hit me, I WAS THE PROBLEM!!

Growth happens in struggle. I have said this before and I will say it many more times in my writing. I recently read an article talking about how nature mirrors this for us. A butterfly has a liquid in their bodies when in the cocoon. When it is time for the butterfly to emerge, that liquid goes to their wings as they struggle to break free and makes the wings strong enough to fly. No struggle means weak wings, weak wings mean the butterfly dies. The strength comes from the struggle and without it, the butterfly isn’t strong enough to survive the other trials and tribulations it will encounter in its life.

I look back at some of the ultimate “worst” moments in my life and the struggle that I endured. Recently I desperately wanted someone, anyone, to just swoop in and make life easier with advice, direction, connections, ANYTHING! I got crickets… I was pissed and felt abandoned. That feeling lasted about a week until I began to navigate the situation with tools I already had. I started reflecting on what got to where I was and learning lessons from mistakes I didn’t even realize I was making. I then thought about all the people I had saved, just to have them need saving again. This is when I realized that they had learned NOTHING by me rescuing them so they still needed to grow. Their struggle was their road and I had technically car-jacked their growth! NO WAY was I going to live through the mess I was in again so at that moment, I stopped looking for help from others and began to grow through it.

Being real here, I feel society has done a fine job of creating victims and even glorifying being one. We were “rescued” through lockdown with stimulus money. We are seeing young people on social media speaking of their abuse and how they survived, yet kids are seeing when you’re a victim you get followers and attention. (I am 100% positive that is not the message that was intended). It is now a fad to be a victim and if you aren’t one, you can make yourself one! We have systems that make it easy to give up and not try because the more people that are signed up for programs, the more money the state makes. Society has made us believe we NEED rescuing and saving when in reality, that is the very thing that keeps us from thriving. Society has made it cool to be the victim and there are so many who want to be hero’s and save others. The growth is in the struggle and the lessons are hidden within the chaos. If you give up, you won’t glow up! If someones saves you, you won’t grow. And most importantly, if you have purposely become a victim, you will actually be one in no time.

In no way am I saying to never help others. That is a large part of who I am and what makes my heart happy. What I am saying is that before you leap in to rescue, look at the big picture of the situation you are trying to rescue someone from. Is it dangerous and are they in immediate harm? Is this just a struggle that they can overcome with just a bit of encouragement? Sometimes just being an ear to bounce ideas off of or to vent to every now and then is exactly what is needed in order for them to navigate through and grow. I am going to go out on a limb and say that encouragement is what is needed more times than not because that is exactly what helped me recently. I didn’t need saving, I needed someone who cared.

We all have a journey we are walking. Each path WE choose shapes us in different ways whether it is lined with flowers & smooth or rugged & full of rocks. We instinctively choose the path we need for the next level of life. If lessons need learned first, we will navigate that struggle. If we are ready for our next shift, we will get nothing but ease. If someone saves us, it takes all power away from us making those decisions and we will end up in the same place down the road until we are fully in the drivers seat and ready to learn the lessons. So I have chosen to drop the hero mentality and instead adopt the encourager mentality. Inspiring is always my intention anyway and I am so glad I didn’t have a hero step in and steal the growth I have made the last few months. It sucked, it was so so hard, I was totally defeated mentally many times, and I am still recovering my emotional health as I type.

The lessons and growth tho… Just Wow. 1) My husband and I are a fucking TEAM! We have each others backs in ways I could only dream of in a marriage! When one dipped low, the other went high. The balance was amazing! 2) I exhausted all the tools I had in my toolbox for anxiety and panic attacks which sent me into depression. THEN I got HELP from a few friends and now have 3 new tools I never had before that have helped immensely. 3) Anger and hard feelings took a backseat and a new relationship was formed between 2 parents leading a Dad, Mom, and Step Mom into a beautiful co-parenting relationship where mutual support is able to be fostered. 4) I can loose it, and I mean really loose it, and my husband will shine until I can see the light again. Panic attacks that take you totally out of your surroundings and into a state where you are pulling your hair with no idea you are doing so is new to me. I am safe to feel what I feel and know he will hold my hand through it with no judgement. 5) My husband knows without a shadow of a doubt, I am his wife until death and beyond. I wasn’t scared off with the chaos, if anything I fell in love more as I watched many things we held dear fall away. No matter what was leaving, he knew I was staying!

The lessons learned in our situation will be beyond helpful as we navigate a new unplanned adventure. If we hadn’t learned them, we may have just stayed stuck in a place we have no desire to be, doing things that don’t set our souls on fire. As we travel across the country I hope we encounter those who need encouragement so I can practice my new mindset. I will also be mindful to not let others save or rescue us in the inevitable predicaments the full time RV Life brings. We will accept advice on campgrounds, yet not allow anyone to take the wheel and back us in. We will accept tools we may not have and need to borrow, but will repair ourselves. We will appreciate words of wisdom and concern about this new adventure, but WE are in the drivers seat of our future and nobody will change our minds. We are tough AF and ready to take our passions on the road in the most exciting way. NONE of this would happen without the struggle.

As you continue on your journey and come across someone down on their luck, be mindful of the help you offer. Unintentionally, you too could be stealing someones growth…

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