You are where you are because YOU made a series of decisions that placed YOU there. If you’re unhappy, make decisions that will lead you somewhere else.
I have contemplated writing a short piece around this subject for awhile now. It isn’t that I don’t feel comfortable giving people hard truths, this entire page is full of those. What held me back was the fact that many had a hard go of life while the pandemic was in full swing. During that time I also became more active here and I held off a lot of topics to show others grace as they navigated through some pretty off kilter times. That grace has expired and has opened up a world of blog topics, this being one of them. As always, I will NEVER call others out on things I haven’t lived through myself and called myself out on. So, if you’re sensitive and unwilling to take a hard look at yourself, you might want to skip this one. If you’re ready to take accountability for where you are in life and recognize you put yourself there, by all means keep reading.
You have seen the posts on social media, had the conversations with girlfriends, heard the venting at your work, and maybe even seen videos others post. It all sounds super empowering and includes phrases such as “I’m DONE” or “This is your last warning” and even “Here is your notice”. Those are followed by sentences including trendy words like “boundaries” and stating some type of ultimatum that other people must be aware of if they want to be in said persons life. Now, I am not saying ANY of the before mentioned is a bad thing. It is awesome to see your worth and be “done” with anything or anyone that doesn’t. It is super healthy to have boundaries that are clear to those around you. It’s also OK to set expectations for certain behavior that isn’t tolerable for you.
The issue is rarely is any of the above true. It isn’t announced because the person is truly making changes, it is announced for all the comments and “You go girl” cheerleading that follows. It’s a dopamine rush that gets all kinds of attention without having any intention of doing anything different. How do I know this? Because 2 days later you see the very same people bitching and venting about the same things they always bitch and vent about surrounding the same people or circumstances they have always bitched and vented about. See where I’m going? This isn’t a judgement I am making, it is fact. If REAL change and boundaries were intended, there would be nothing to drop and get a dopamine fix with. REAL happiness that lasts longer than the time frame comments come in isn’t truly being sought. THEY are making solid choices to stay stuck because of the instant gratitude they get from complaining and then having those complaints validated by people who could really give zero fucks about truly supporting this “friend”.
So first…If you see yourself in the description above and feel called out, GOOD! You needed this! You needed to see that what you view as healthy venting or just getting frustration out isn’t doing you any good in the long run. Sure, it feels good to word vomit your feelings into type on social media, but the feeling of grandness and empowerment you feel is false. You get a surge of validation with comments from others who say things like “Good for you” or “I feel the same” and the classic “If you need support just call”. You get this false idea that all this backup in comments and your strongly worded post will somehow change the circumstances you’re “done” with. The issue is that when the comments stop coming in, your still left with the same shit you were bitching about and will bitch about again, and again… I repeat, I WAS YOU! Words with no action or intention are just that, words. Your life won’t get better until you DO SOMETHING. You won’t feel true lasting dopamine highs until you CHANGE SOMETHING. You will continue to bitch until you see your addicted to the attention you get when you do so. Hell, you may even create chaos yourself just to have a reason to bitch for that 10 min high of validation from people who legit don’t care. Feel grateful that you came upon this post and are feeling some kinda way about being called out. NOBODY did this for me! I had to get sick of my own bullshit and give myself a wake up call. Sure there were small comments from loved ones who really care and an Aunt who I kick myself for not listening to but for the most part, people just endured it. (Believe it or not, people ARE sick of you doing this and never doing anything about your life. You just won’t hear that from them until after you have taken action and made the healthy changes.)
Second…If you have people like this on your newsfeed, I have advice! STOP ENGAGING! At least in the sense of trying to support their “done” decision that you know is bullshit. Instead, try “I really wish you would find ways to truly change your circumstances because this is a subject thats been an issue for quite sometime.” Or my fav “Change begins with you and your desire to be truly happy. I’m guessing that because you’re venting about this again that you haven’t done any work on you. You’re always welcome to reach out to me when you’re ready.” Or just stop commenting PERIOD. I know the more attention I got for the bitching I did, the more I had to vent about. It is a straight up addiction and when you comment or give it attention, you’re feeding it and facilitating it. The one comment I got from the Aunt I mentioned hit me hard. It was simple “Have you thought about putting this in a journal to see if these feelings are real or if you’re just getting off on everyone feeling sorry for you?” WOW! RUDE! Then immediately afterwards I wanted to throw up. I didn’t stop, but I did make it to where she couldn’t see any vents, which felt weird. When I was truly “done” and did the work on myself, made the changes in my life, took action instead of placing blame, and all the things I speak about on this blog site, I reached out to her and thanked her for that comment that she didn’t even remember making! Lol Either don’t engage, or make your comment be impactful for change.
Thirdly…Why do I even care enough to write a blog post about this? Well, although on the surface this post also looks like a bitch or vent and may come off as petty, it’s in fact coming from a place of more love and compassion than I may be able to express. But, I will give it a try. My passion, my purpose, my true undeniable calling is to help others help themselves. I want EVERYONE to have access to tools that guide them into living their best lives! I do that with posts on FB & IG on my Mystikal Rootz accounts. I go more in-depth here and share even more helpful tools such as ways to shift your mindset, the magic of meditation, and the mental health benefits of journaling. I share my story, the good, bad, ugly, and glow-up in order to inspire and help others see if I can do it, you can too!! I offer paid services as an Intuitive Guide, a paid private women’s FB group called The Koffee Korner, Mindfulness Coaching, Law of Attraction Coaching, Card Readings & Astrological Birth Chart Reports. THAT IS JUST ME! I know multiple coaches and healers who also make uplifting useful free content for anyone to take advantage of along with paid services of their own. I can list multiple resources that can help people in bad situations such as domestic violence, addiction, job searches, child care etc. In my healthy mindset, I see no excuse for anyone to make the choice to live in misery. I say choice here, and at the beginning of this post because it is in fact a choice. All of the things I just listed above prove that. There is help, it does work, but YOU must be the one to take action and reach out for that assistance. YOU must make a choice to invest in yourself and not your online shopping cart to pay for services that will assist in the changes you claim you want to happen. It is literally ALL ON YOU.
Believe me, I get the resistance. I was stuck in it for 38 years and that is why I am so passionate now. All my limiting beliefs began as a child and I continued the “I guess this is all there is” thinking my entire life until my late 30’s. I certainly don’t want that for anyone. I don’t regret not waking up sooner to the power that I had inside myself all along. If I didn’t have the experiences I had and lived the life I did, I wouldn’t be so passionate about helping others. If I wasn’t passionate about helping others, I wouldn’t have made differences in peoples lives. Through those differences made, I know that we all need to come to a place of being for REAL “done” in our own time. I also know our own time usually is pre-cursed by a comment that strikes a nerve, an observation in our behavior brought up by someone, an action we take that makes us feel unsettled afterwards, or an article read written by someone who was in the place we find ourselves in currently. This post is exactly that. A post written with full intentions of being a catalyst to spark something. That spark will grow and when you are DONE WITH YOUR OWN SHIT, there are many of us out here waiting to walk the next part of your journey along side you.
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