I am 5 months away from being 50 yrs old at the writing of this post. I don’t feel like I’m almost 50. I don’t even know what that actually means. I know I have people around me that say things like “You know how it goes when your over 40…” and I am like “NO! I don’t understand this. How does the number of trips around the Sun have anything to do with what your saying?” I feel like a 20 yr old when I speak to people my age, I even view them as “elders” in a way that I can learn from. I get wildly excited about things most people shrug at and I make up words along with pet names for my husband. I use my imagination multiple times a day to make up stories about people or dogs I walk by and giggle at what I have made up as if it really happened.

This all sounds fun, which it most definitely is, but can also create interesting looks if I don’t try and filter myself in public. It isn’t something my husband notices much but as an empath, I read ALL energies around me. I see you looking at me like “Ok, what is she on?” LIFE!! I’m on LIFE and higher than I have ever been on substances with no bad feelings when coming down or sobering up. The only side effects are blessings and more good days than not. BUT WHY AM I LIKE THIS? I haven’t always been this way, not as an adult that is. THIS is how I was as a kid. I was never told to stop believing in anything by my parents and was never told I was “too old” for anything. Age wasn’t a huge celebration either as my Birthday was super close to Christmas and celebrations were difficult. Those trips around the Sun slowly became irrelevant for me and eventually a dislike. Age truly IS a number, not a benchmark for when your health goes, when you have to act a certain way, or when you have to “act like an adult”. (Another term that makes no sense to me)

Then I travel into 20 yrs of being muted. When married to my ex I had a certain reputation I had to help cultivate and sell. I wore the “right” clothes, did my makeup the “right” way, carried myself in a “right” manner, spoke the right words, did the right things, and totally became someone else. I let my imagination run wild in times alone with my son or when visiting my mom, or when my ex was out of town…but I knew when to pocket all of that. It just wasn’t SAFE to be ME! I recently was watching an interview with my favorite YouTube couple (Kay & Tay) and it all hit me why I am the way I am!

My current husband and full on soul mate is a big kid. He loves to laugh and make me laugh. His favorite things are comic book characters, super hero’s, Star Wars, Star Trek, and cartoons. He frequently calls himself a nerd but to me, he is the coolest guy I know. He is my Safe Place. On the flip side of his child-like interests, he is a professional photographer who sees beauty in things that seem mundane. He works SO HARD in the Arizona heat with the mission of me never having to work. He sees the little things I do and appreciates me so much that I want to do more and more, but he stops me. He is so non-judgmental that it gives me ALL PERMISSION to fully be myself after YEARS of being someone else. When a truth has been silenced for that long, it will be very extra when it can finally be spoken. THAT is why I am like THIS! Tay told the interviewer that Kay is not faking her excitement or reactions to the things he gets on film. She is like that about ALL things because she wasn’t able to show real emotion in her previous relationship. Imagine my excitement, but also empathy, when I learned Kay and I have a similar story and it is that common thread that makes us the way we are.

So here is some advice when taking all of the above into account. When you see someone get truly excited, instead of taking their age into any of your judgement, talk to them about what is exciting them. Listen to their words and feel the energy they are emoting. Take it as in invitation to tap into your inner child and get excited with them! If at any time you can truly be extra and “immature” it is around THIS type of person! Take notes and ask yourself why you don’t get that excited. Why did you stop using your imagination, and can you allow yourself to believe in the magical things some unhappy person told you were not real? Can you drop, just for a moment, the costume of “Adult” and give yourself permission to just feel and see then respond naturally?

In closing, “THIS” is the most authentic, real and pure version I have ever been. I don’t care who looks and judges when I talk about fairies and get excited when I see a unicorn. I feel sorry for those who won’t allow play into their lives like my husband and I do. “THIS” will always feel better than “THAT” person I was for 20 yrs. How I feel is more important than how others perceive me. And if my behavior turns you away, well it’s you who misses out, not me!