Welcome to 2025, where everyone sees their trauma, notices when they’re triggered, and then uses it all as an excuse to treat others poorly. It’s an interesting time. On one hand, people are becoming more self-aware. On the other, many are weaponizing that awareness to avoid real accountability. When those who have done the work put up boundaries, the unhealed often scream “victim” louder, hoping to wear those boundaries down. And when that doesn’t work? Some scramble for half-measures. They’ll dabble in “healing” just enough to talk the talk by using the right words, posting the right quotes, even sharing a few epiphanies… but they never actually walk the walk.

Enter social media. Here you can find an endless scroll of “quick fix” coaches and six-week programs that promise transformation for $333, $500, or some other carefully marketed “energy exchange.” These programs often look legitimate with shiny websites, endless testimonials, comments gushing about life-changing results. But dig a little deeper and you’ll find that many of those comments are paid bots, or the programs themselves are surface-level at best. I get approached daily to buy followers and engagement, so I know firsthand how easy it is to fake credibility online. Gross.

Maybe you clicked on this blog because you thought the title meant I’d give you quick healing tips. Nope. There are no shortcuts to healing. None. Healing trauma is not a weekend workshop or a 6-week container. It’s slow, constant, and layered. It’s ugly at times. It requires looking at yourself honestly, taking accountability for how you’ve hurt others, and committing to breaking patterns over and over until new ones stick. Those of us who have spent months or years doing the work know how misleading “heal fast” programs can be, and how much damage they leave behind for those who genuinely want to heal. Let’s not even mention how disrespectful it is to those of us who actually KNOW how long it takes to heal and what all goes into it.

Psychology research supports this truth. Studies on trauma recovery (for example, Van der Kolk’s work in The Body Keeps the Score) show that unresolved trauma literally lives in the body. Healing requires consistency and therapies like EMDR, CBT, somatic experiencing, or long-term talk therapy in order to rewire patterns in the brain and regulate the nervous system. Neuroscience also confirms that quick-burst interventions may provide temporary relief, but without repetition and accountability, the brain defaults back to old pathways. In other words: there is no fast lane to wholeness.

And let’s be clear… if you’re just trying to appear healed so you can regain access to someone who has cut you off, it won’t work. Those who have truly done their healing can spot “fake growth” a mile away. They’ll see right through the buzzwords and self-help jargon. All it will do is cause them to put up even stronger, more permanent boundaries. Talking the talk doesn’t matter when your energy, actions, and self-awareness don’t align.

That’s why these “healing shortcuts” are dangerous. They give the illusion of progress while keeping people trapped in cycles of victimhood. And for those who are sincere but new to healing, they can even be harmful! Cracking open deep wounds without the structure, care, or accountability to process them safely can put a person in a very fragile state and leave them extremely vulnerable. That’s where real therapy, community, and long-term practice matter.

Here’s the hard truth: If someone you care about has put up boundaries with you because of your trauma, the only way forward is to actually do the work. Not perform it. Not dabble. Not buy into trendy coaching. But to face yourself, get real help, and commit to walking the walk. Because when you do, when you finally take responsibility for your healing, you won’t just get relationships back. You’ll get yourself back. And that’s the only shortcut that exists: the decision to stop pretending and start doing the real work.

So ask yourself: Are you truly healing, or are you just learning to sound healed? Are you walking the walk, or still trying to sneak by with half-measures? The difference will determine whether you keep running into boundaries or finally start living free of them.