Stolen power often leads to the feeling of needing to control everything and everyone

Iv’e been on a journey of the unknown the past few months. I have eluded to the struggle in my April & May posts, and still promise to dive into the chaos as I will have A LOT to say when the time is right. While I continue to wade through the mud of it all, I am looking at myself as I never have before. I’m almost to a mental space where I can see the blessings through the bullshit, but not quite as clearly as I will further down the road. Mental health is my main focus currently and I am sharing those lessons and epiphanies with others. So although I am not going into details I am sharing the emotions, growth, reflections, and discoveries along the way. After all, it isn’t the drama of the details that shape us on the other side of chaos. What shapes us is what we felt, what we thought, how we coped, what we learned, and the human condition of it all. Details are for later, today we address “Control”.

It has been said by those much smarter than myself, it is talked about on Gaia and other holistic channels, and I have preached it personally. CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION! You literally ONLY have control over yourself, your responses, your reactions, and your words. Sometimes, you don’t even have control over that. (I mean, I FOR SURE didn’t want an anxiety attack in a store but that was my body’s response to being there so…) Power is a little different. Power is kind of assigned to us by the people and systems we have around us. Power is also something we grow within ourselves, like confidence! (Think of the phrase “standing in your power” or your truth). Control and power are interchangeable in some ways, and when we feel one being “taken” from us, we go full force on the other.

Just a few days ago after a few months of trudging through our situation, I had an epiphany. Now, others around me tried to force this realization on me but I am a stubborn person in the throws of anxiety and don’t take suggestions well. I have spent since early April trying to control everyone and everything around me. It began with small things like offering “advice” of what to say or do and has grown into thinking that I, and I alone, know what is the best for everything. If someone does something before I can “advise” them, I do the shitty thing that consists of sentences like “Oh that is nice! If it were me, I would have…..” or “Cool! Next time you might want to ……. and you will get an even better outcome.” I am second guessing all decisions made by others, and although there are multiple reasons for that, control is the one I can work on immediately!

For me the need to control everything came when my power was stolen. In a very short amount of time I felt as if I had all power taken from my hands and very quickly placed somewhere that I had no access to it. I was thrown into a ring of fighting for common sense in systems that didn’t want to hear what I had to say. I had no actions I could take, no voice to speak my mind, and desperate to gain back what was lost. I was experiencing the biggest lack in the illusion of control of my life and my fight or flight response was stronger than ever before. I learned quickly that I could do neither so THAT is when anxiety I had been suppressing got a chance to rear its ugly head. (See how I have reflected on how my mental health tanked as I confessed in my recent posts? The anxiety was there from the 2020/2021 school year, it had just been ignored or labeled as something different.)

It was subtle at first… “Are we sure that is the right way?” and has grown to me thinking my opinion is needed in EVERY situation and decision, whether it affects me directly or not. When my husband said something like “I don’t even know why I am putting in my input because it will just be wrong, so never mind.” I realized I was out of control…literally and figuratively. This was said with no anger at all, only the sound of defeat. This was 3 days ago and I became 100% committed to figure out how I got to this point, why had I gotten so extra with it, and how the hell do I drop it??!! My husband and I ALWAYS work as a cohesive team and take turns on leading whatever it is we are doing based on each others experience. If neither of us have experience, we wing it in a balanced way when making decisions and we always seem to conquer the task! Here we are in a scenario of no experience, yet I have somehow made myself an expert in my own mind, in a situation nobody could have seen coming in order to be knowledgable about it. Why? Why was I breaking protocol that always works? What, other than obvious things, was different this time? My refusal to let myself beat my husbands feelings and opinions up led me to the answer…Power. My power was stolen.

I will let you know, in case you haven’t put pieces together, the situation is a legal one. The facts and details are not important to know in order to understand. The fact is when dealing with the legal system, you will often feel as if your hands are tied. I have made it no secret that I believe most systems that govern us are broken. I have a strong belief that COVID is a small part of something much bigger that will tear those systems down to make room for better ones. (This is part of the Shift) I had not truly dealt with these systems in a big personal way until now, I had just supported others with theirs. I feel I can now say with 100% confidence based on personal experience, we need this shift! There are many systems within systems that have their own systems and procedures. Those systems don’t align with other systems but are still just doing their own thing because…well they are allowed to! (Sick of the word “system” yet? I sure am!) Many times a person is defeated before they are even aware they have to defend themselves. And THAT is where your power is stolen and fear is injected.

When this hit me 3 days ago after that one sentence from my husbands mouth, I became a bit discouraged. I wanted an instant fix because nothing about the past few months has been easy. The one thing that has been strong AF tho is the relationship between my husband and myself. So I certainly am up for the work it takes to drop this illusion of control, and flat out detach from anything I have no power over!! The most important task at hand is to fully accept I have no power or control over anything outside of my personal actions, reactions, or responses. By personal I mean MY BODY, MY THINKING, & MY WORDS. Thats it!! By fully realizing this, again for the 199th time in my journey, I have to take responsibility when I make others feel like shit. Yep folks! Once these epiphanies come you will quickly have to take accountability for your actions from that moment on. You are no longer in the dark about yourself and it is important that you move forward with intention. This means deep breaths to think before speaking or “helping” others. 1) Does this concern me? 2) Is my opinion needed or being asked for? 3) Are you trying to control this? These are the 3 questions that will be repeated in my mind until I am back on track, and no longer searching for the power that was taken from me by broken systems. The chaos we find ourselves in now is temporary, the relationships I have are ones I want for a lifetime. I have no desire to make others feel inadequate, less than, or incapable as I feel I have been doing. That isn’t a way to keep a support system in your life and I refuse to use this situation as an excuse or reason to be a bully.

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My entire goal when starting this blog was to help others through my skills, real life knowledge, research, certifications, talents, and personal growth as it happens organically. We are all hopefully growing constantly, so I knew there would be things to share as I moved forward. We grow the most and learn the important life lessons when we are thrown into discomfort. Looking back at some of my most serious trauma, the lessons learned there were invaluable. What sets this current situation apart from others is the tools I now have. I seem to go through 6-7 year cycles where a big life altering thing comes in like a wrecking ball to shake up everything and completely change the direction life was on. The last being the end of my 20 yr marriage & supporting myself for the 1st time in my life at 40 yrs old, and 7 years before that was the death of my Mom/Best Friend. I had zero tools when I lost my mom and am always working through my inability at the time to grieve her properly due to my ex. I was around a year into mindfulness and 4 months in with consistent meditation and beginning yoga when I left my ex so I felt a little more supported. When it became clear this would be another shake up of life, common sense would say as a mindfulness life coach, I would go straight to those tools and sail through easy as can be right? Wrong! I am actually asking many out there to please stop putting such high expectations on those that guide you. Other guides/healers also try to portray a life that is without struggle if you just follow their simple methods, which I feel adds to people having unrealistic views.

Here is the deal… Those of us who lead and guide still need to grow ourselves. Every single person is a work in progress and we are all just trying to figure out this human experience. We have lives, families, bills, jobs and are living in the same world as you are. I am no different than you, I just have some knowledge you may not. In times like now when that knowledge had gone out the window, I am as transparent as can be about how I dropped the ball. I will also always cover how I return to my knowledge and the processes I use to do so. Why? Well, because you will inevitably find yourself in the middle of a breakdown in your journey and it is important to know we ALL have been there. It is also important to not beat yourself up during these times because quite frankly, your probably dealing with enough shit! If I can give you tools an ideas to help guide you when you’re in the thick of chaos, you will have some kind of direction to get you back on track and then continue to manage yourself in a healthier way. (FYI: We ALL get help from others. If it weren’t for the teachers I have in my life to remind me of my knowledge, it would take a little longer to get to those “ah-ha” moments).

As I continue to move forward on this platform, my only hope is to help others through my experiences. Currently it is mental health and managing emotions that are uncomfortable. In the past and as we progress, there are the “How To” blogs with tools, tips, and tricks to help navigate your journey in a holistic way. In the future I will also be writing about the current situation we find ourselves in along with all the pieces and parts, lessons and discoveries, failures and triumphs, frustrations and celebrations, and reflections. I will take you with me on new paths and journeys that were not part of a grand plan, but fit perfectly in how we see life moving forward. I promise to always be as real as possible in my posts so you know you have a safe place to land with me. You are welcome to all the parts of my journey because as I stated before, my goal is for my life experiences to be used in helping others.

Thank you so much for supporting me in this venture and using your energy to read my words. Be sure to subscribe for instant access to new posts and get Mystikal Musings straight to your inbox! Donations are always appreciated (especially now!) and are a welcome exchange of energy for the time I put in. Until next time…